I’m always fascinated when a studio thinks a movie it has produced sucks so bad that it refuses to screen it for critics. So Monday afternoon I paid up to see “The Mortal Instruments”. Two guys walked in then left 45 minutes later. That left me and 2 other girls in a warm theater with no AC. The girls stayed for the whole damn movie, but talked constantly about the film’s star, Jamie Campbell Bower and how cute he looked. My theory is their conversation was a protective reflex to shield their beloved actor from being contaminated by the dialogue and situations onscreen. As for me, I spent the entire movie wondering why the hell is Jonathan Rhys Meyers in it. So yes, “The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones”, the first movie based on Cassandra Clare’s novels sucks bad, real bad. The plot focuses on Clary (Lily Collins), a young girl who discovers that she is related to shadowhunters aka angel-like beings that have been battling the undead for ages. Yawn. Then she finds out that her mother is in trouble, and joins forces with Jace (Jamie Campbell Bower), who leads a team of shadowhunters of his own. I’m drifting. But so’s the movie, as it jumps from one dull scene to another. And by the time it was over, I couldn’t care less about the characters or the outcome of the story. No need to know more, except that director Harald Zwalt  has no flair for suspense. I’m told “City of Bones” is the first of 5 stories published so far by Cassandra Clare. I think it’s safe to say that the first big screen adaptation is dead on arrival.

Rating: 1.5/4