Category: 1.5/4
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The Girl On The Train [2016] ★½
From the trailer and synopsis you would think this is a solid thriller, much like David Fincher’s “Gone Girl” in which Ben Affleck’s wife disappears without a trace. But from the opening scene, something was off. “The Girl On The Train” is a tedious film; badly scripted, awkwardly acted, and just downright ridiculous at times.…
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Blair Witch [2016] ★½
Originally promoted as “The Woods”, the people behind this piece of shit of a movie later on revealed the “shocking” news: this was indeed a sequel to the surprise hit “The Blair Witch Project”. Clever stunt. I just wish the movie itself lived up to its hype. In trying to replicate the success of the…
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When The Bough Breaks [2016] ★½
I cringed so many times during “When the Bough Breaks”. Most times when Morris Chestnut and Jazz Sinclair had scenes together. He plays a married man who desperately wants a baby with his wife (Regina Hall). Problem is: they can’t conceive unless they hire a surrogate mother. That would be Anna (Sinclair) who turns out…
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Ben-Hur [2016] ★½
Somebody owes me a goddamn explanation: how do you remake William Wyler’s 1959 epic “Ben-Hur” starring Charlton Heston in his Oscar winning performance without screwing it all up? The answer is: you don’t. This new version, directed by Timur Bekmanbetov and starring Jack Huston (Heston, Huston. Get it?) in the title character feels rushed, truncated…
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Mechanic: Resurrection [2016] ★½
In an era of sequels and reboots, I ask Hollywood a very important question: who the hell ordered this one? If you paid to see Jason Statham kick ass in the lousy 2012 action flick “The Mechanic” and can’t wait to see “Resurrection”, then you’re craving movie punishment and I can’t help you. Statham reprises…
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Equals [2016] ★½
It’s not the worst Science-Fiction movie you could see, but “Equals”, clumsily directed by Drake Doremus, bored me to tears. I suppose it would only make sense to have Kristen Stewart in it, since everyone in this future society is supposed to be emotionless, even lifeless. The only actor who is allowed to dig into…
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Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates [2016] ★½
It’s not really a movie. Zac Efron, 29, and Adam Devine, 33, still acting like hormonally charged teenagers at their sister’s wedding in Hawaii. And yet they’ve been warned by their parents not to show up unless they find decent dates for the occasion. That would be Aubrey Plaza and Anna Kendrick, who aren’t as innocent…
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Independence Day: Resurgence [2016] ★½
“We always knew they’d be back” they said. And I always knew it would suck. Let’s face it: what clicked in the mid 1990’s clearly doesn’t anymore. Following the first movie’s huge success (and believe me, it was), director Roland Emmerich went on to direct several “end of times” blockbusters, from “The Day After Tomorrow” to…
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Manhattan Night [2016] ★½
You’d think a Mystery film starring Adrien Brody that looks and feels like a 1940’s film noir would be worth recommending. It isn’t. “Manhattan Night” follows Brody’s desperate search for the truth when a seductive woman asks him to investigate the unsolved murder of her filmmaker husband. As far as atmosphere goes, the movie looks…
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Warcraft [2016] ★½
“Warcraft” is one of the most famous video games in the world. In Hollywood, this means business, and plenty of it. But if history has taught us anything it’s that movies based on video games rarely work. “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider”, “Doom”, “Resident Evil”, “Hitman”, “Max Payne”, “House of the Dead”, “Street Fighter”. Hell I could…
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The Huntsman: Winter’s War [2016] ★½
Excuse me if I don’t sound very enthusiastic but did we really need a sequel to a movie that wasn’t really good to begin with? “Snow White and the Huntsman” was a dull take on the classic story and it had nothing new to offer. History repeats itself in “The Huntsman: Winter’s War”, once again…
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Criminal [2016] ★½
Can a movie feature an all star cast and still fail miserably? Yes it can. Exhibit A: “Criminal”, a criminally bad action thriller that flatters itself by claiming to be original. It wishes. Ryan Reynolds plays a CIA agent who gets killed off 10 minutes into the movie while on a mission to track down…
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The Boss [2016] ★½
Pairing likable actress Kristen Bell (“Forgetting Sarah Marshall”) and the funny Melissa McCarthy (who was hilarious in last year’s “Spy”) as the title character in “The Boss” would seem like a perfect setup for yet another instant hit. Right? Wrong. The result is a painfully unfunny film and that’s putting it mildly. McCarthy plays a…
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My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 [2016] ★½
It took me a few days to actually sit down and write a review about “My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2”. Was I trying to convince myself that what I witnessed wasn’t a disaster? Perhaps. But it was. It really was. The first movie was released back in 2002, and while it didn’t reinvent the…
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The Other Side Of The Door [2016] ★½
Dull, uninspired horror movie about a mother who learns of an ancient ritual that will bring her dead son back for one last goodbye. There’s only one catch: she mustn’t open the door that separates the dead from the living or else all hell will break loose. Does she end up opening it anyway? Duh. Derivative…
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London Has Fallen [2016] ★½
Instead of “Prepare for bloody hell”, tagline should read “You paid money to see the same movie…twice”. I’m not kidding. “London Has Fallen”, the sequel to 2013’s “Olympus Has Fallen“, is exactly the same plot, except it’s set in London. Talk about being original! Just to be clear though, I’ve got nothing against a good…
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Kings Of Egypt [2016] ★½
“Please make it stop!” I kept shouting at the screen as I suffered through this endless CGI-driven crap-fest starring Gerard Butler as a merciless God who is ruling the once peaceful Egypt with an iron fist. Now it’s up to a mortal hero (Brendon Thwaites, clueless) to team up with Game of Thrones’ Nicolaj Coster-Waldau…
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Zoolander 2 [2016] ★½
Somebody owes me an explanation. I left “Zoolander 2” wondering how bad things happened to two of my favorite comedians, Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. What the hell happened dudes? You guys were funny in the first “Zoolander” movie back in 2001, and I still have fond memories of 2004’s “Starsky and Hutch”. So why…
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Pride And Prejudice And Zombies [2016] ★½
I swear I’m not making this up. Someone actually decided to butcher Jane Austen’s classic story by adding zombies to the plot. Bad move. Based on the 2009 novel by Seth Grahame-Smith, the movie follows five sisters in 19th Century England and their quest to marry wealthy businessmen while having to deal with an army…
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![The Choice [2016] ★½](https://tlkabtmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/the_choice_1sht_f.jpg?w=1024)
The Choice [2016] ★½
This terrible tearjerker from the king of cheese himself Nicholas Sparks could well be his worst ever. You know who Sparks is, the guy who writes bestselling romance that become awful movies, such as “Dear John”, “The Last Song” and “Safe Haven”. The newest Sparks is “The Choice”, about two neighbors who meet and fall in love.…
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