Category: 1.5/4
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Ride Along [2014] ★½
The first comedy of the year has a damn fine chance of being the worst. “Ride Along” isn’t just a lousy comedy flick, it should numb the brains of moviegoers of all sexes and ages. Before you start hating, I think you should know that I’ve got nothing against a dumb comedy film on a…
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The Legend Of Hercules [2014] ★½
Another January dud. After last week’s horrible “Paranormal Activity”, “The Legend of Hercules” thinks it’s “Gladiator”. Talk about delusional. This is basically the story of Hercules (played by a dreadful Kellan Lutz), son of Zeus, who was betrayed by his stepfather the King and how he embarked on a journey to overthrow him and restore…
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Hours [2013] ★½
Paul Walker’s final movie before his tragic death at the age of 40 takes place during Hurricane Katrina. He plays a New Orleans man stuck in an abandoned hospital after his wife dies in childbirth. For hours (hence the title) he awaits help while his little girl breathes only with the aid of an electrical ventilator.…
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The Counselor [2013] ★½
Ridley Scott does a fine job with”Prometheus” and decides to follow it up with what? This horrible mess. Yikes! Michael Fassbender (“Shame”, “Hunger”) plays the title role, a successful lawyer who finds himself in hot water when he makes a deal with Javier Bardem (clueless) that involves drugs and plenty of money. Usually it isn’t a…
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Paranoia [2013] ★½
In a year of crappy movies, “Paranoia” wins the award for stupidest thriller I’ve seen in quite a while. It takes a bunch of talented people (with the exception of Liam Hemsworth who’s just awful to watch), drops them in a quicksand of clichés and watches them sink. That would be Harrison Ford and Gary Oldman…
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Adore [2013] ★½
Embarrassingly bad drama set in Western Australia, where two best friends (Naomi Watts and Robin Wright) hook up with each other’s sons (say what?). Wright’s boy, Ian (Xavier Samuel), gets Watts in the sack first. Then Watts, angry as hell, thinks it’s only right to have sex with Wright’s son. Sounds sexy? Not really. With that cast,…
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Curse Of Chucky [2013] ★½
Straight-to-DVD sequel finds Chucky (from the “Child’s Play” series) terrorizing yet another family on a stormy night. That creepy little doll is still fun to watch, even after all these years, but the film is utterly worthless until the final 15 minutes. Its unexpected finale saves it from a “Fiasco” rating. Rating: 1.5/4
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Runner Runner [2013] ★½
It takes a certain misdirection to make the talent of a good cast (Ben Affleck, Justin Timberlake and Gemma Arterton) disappear right before your eyes. “Runner Runner”, clumsily directed by Brad Furman (“The Lincoln Lawyer“) from a lousy script by Brian Koppelman and David Levien does exactly that. So what’s it about? That’s hard to…
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Welcome To The Punch [2013] ★½
“Welcome to the Punch” is a stinker from start to finish. That’s all you need to know. Rating: 1.5/4
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Kick- Ass 2 [2013] ★½
If you read the blog back in 2010 (I doubt it), you may understand why I wasn’t looking forward to this much-hyped sequel. I thought the first Kick- Ass movie was decent enough, but I can’t call myself a die-hard fan. I guess this is my way of saying that part 2 sucks. I was…
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The Mortal Instruments: City Of Bones [2013] ★½
I’m always fascinated when a studio thinks a movie it has produced sucks so bad that it refuses to screen it for critics. So Monday afternoon I paid up to see “The Mortal Instruments”. Two guys walked in then left 45 minutes later. That left me and 2 other girls in a warm theater with…
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The Smurfs 2 [2013] ★½
Pop quiz everyone: you’re a Hollywood studio and you help get a movie that’s barely watchable into theaters. The movie is surprisingly a hit at the box office and the kids love it. What do you do next? Do you A) Leave the franchise alone? or B) Give it a crappy sequel? If you chose…
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Only God Forgives [2013] ★½
“Only God Forgives” is perhaps the first Ryan Gosling movie one can honestly describe as boring. Yet it arrives with its credentials of cool all set: A stylish retro-noir look courtesy of Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn (who directed the unforgettable “Drive“) and Gosling again in the lead with badass attitude leftover from “Drive” and “The…
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Killing Season [2013] ★½
Some people think Robert De Niro and John Travolta in one movie would be a kick to watch. Not a chance. “Killing Season” defines the word “boring”. Travolta, with an Eastern European accent, a shaved head and bizarre, ugly facial hair plays a member of the Serbian Scorpions. In a lousy prologue, we learn that he…
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Bullet To The Head [2013] and The Last Stand [2013] ★½
1- Bullet to the Head: This film is Sylvester Stallone’s way of saying “I make crappy movies but you pay to see them anyway”. He plays a hitman who teams up with a…wait for it… detective (Sung Kang from “Fast and Furious”) in order to bring down a common enemy. Can you guess what happens next? But…
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The Hangover Part III [2013] ★½
Oh geez I really wanted to like this one. Instead, I left “The Hangover Part III” feeling dazed and cheated. So what the heck happened? Or to paraphrase Mr. Chow, “I want answers, motherfuckers!” How could such a good comedy degenerate into a sloppy, unfunny one? The first “Hangover” was one of the funniest films…
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21 & Over [2013] ★½
Remember “Superbad” in 2007 and “The Hangover” in 2009? If so, you’ll feel like you’ve already seen “21 & Over”, except that it isn’t funny or original at all. The movie features two morons who surprise their friend with a visit for his 21st birthday. The guy has an important medical school interview early the next morning…
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![The Big Wedding [2013] ★½](https://tlkabtmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/the-big-wedding-poster.jpg?w=1024)
The Big Wedding [2013] ★½
Four Academy Award winners were involved in this craptacular comedy. Four! Robert DeNiro, Susan Sarandon, Diane Keaton and Robin Williams. Time to weep. The plot? DeNiro and his crazy family are trying to survive a weekend wedding celebration, with disastrous consequences (pun intended). This embarrassing comedy wastes a talented cast in a laugh-less story. Gag after gag falls…
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The Host [2013] ★½
“The Host” is another soulless movie based on Stephenie Meyer’s book. I’ve never read it which means I can’t compare the details and nuances of that book and the film. But I can still review it. The needlessly long story involves Saoirse Ronan (“Atonement”, “The Lovely Bones”) as Melanie Stryder, one of the last humans alive until aliens insert…
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The Paperboy [2012] ★½
Matthew McConaughey rises once again above the material as Miami Times reporter Ward Jansen who returns home to investigate the case of Hillary Van Wetter (a creepy John Cusack ), a prisoner about to be executed for killing a cop. Charlotte Bless (Kidman), a weird blonde with a hots for men on death row thinks Hillary is…
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