Category: 1.5/4
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Ride Along 2 [2016] ★½
Because the first one wasn’t bad enough, here comes part 2, a dreadful collection of ridiculously stupid gags that director Tim Story tries to polish, to no avail. Kevin Hart is now a rookie cop who is trying to prove himself (once again) to his soon-to-be brother in law, played by Ice Cube. That’s right…
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The 5th Wave [2016] ★½
The first science-fiction flop of the year is a dull, uninspired mess that rips off pretty much every “deadly alien attack” movie ever made. Chloe Grace Moretz can’t save a cheesy script, playing a girl who is constantly on the run from an alien attack, as she desperately tries to find her missing brother. The…
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Daddy’s Home [2015] ★½
I love it when everyone is busy with award season and yet studios insist on dumping their worst movies thinking we wouldn’t notice. Well we do notice, especially when it’s a painfully unfunny comedy starring two actors that deserve much much more: Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg. Ferrell plays a stepdad who is trying to…
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By The Sea [2015] ★½
Stylishly made but painfully boring drama about a 1970’s marriage gone bad. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt play husband and wife and it’s a nasty sight. Vacationing in a beautiful place in Europe, Jolie barely says a word. She’s depressed and we have to suffer with her for an agonizing 130 minutes. Written and directed…
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Knock Knock [2015] ★½
Terrible horror flick leaves a sickening aftertaste. Keanu Reeves (in a career suicide role) plays a devoted family man who is left home alone for the weekend. A knock on the door in the middle of a rainy night is the first step into a nightmarish experience in which Reeves’ character (and the audience) are…
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Burnt [2015] ★½
As a sucker for food movies, I thought “Burnt” was tasteless; a mess of a movie that deserves no stars on the Michelin scale. Director John Wells and his writer Stephen Knight (“Locke”) should have known better. Instead, they got all the ingredients wrong, starting with Bradley Cooper who is painfully annoying as an American chef who…
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Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension [2015] ★½
Yes, another “Paranormal Activity” movie (I’m sure you know the drill by now). No, you shouldn’t rush to see it. Yes, it sucks. Need I say more? Rating: 1.5/4
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Pan [2015] ★½
Five reasons why “Pan” is a stinker: 1-Joe Wright, who directed such good movies as “Pride and Prejudice” and “Atonement”, put his actors in front of a blank screen and filled the rest digitally. That’s not always a bad thing, but in Pan’s case, the actors, from Levi Miller as Peter to Rooney Mara as…
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Before We Go [2015] ★½
Ripping off the classic movie “Before Sunrise”, “Before We Go” (look there’s even a “before” in the title!) tells the story of two people (Chris Evans, who also directs, and Alice Eve) who meet in Manhattan one night and end up learning a lot about one another. Unlike “Before Sunrise”, this dull, uninspired film has nothing…
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The Runner [2015] ★½
Nicolas Cage in yet another paycheck movie, this time as a politician accused of corruption in the aftermath of the BP oil spill in 2010. The result is a boring, confusing mess from start to finish. Pains me to say this but I don’t think we’ll ever see Nic Cage in a decent movie again. Face…
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We Are Your Friends [2015] ★½
Like you needed a movie called “We Are Your Friends” to confirm the fact that Zac Efron’s career will never take off. Efron plays Cole, a struggling DJ in California trying to pull it off in the music industry. Writer director Max Joseph bathes this cheesy mess with unnecessary drama. What’s the use? If you can’t figure…
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Vacation [2015] ★½
As if we needed a “Vacation” reboot. The 1983 original starring Chevy Chase wasn’t exactly Shakespeare, but it was funny and entertaining enough. The new one, starring Ed Helms as a family guy who decides to take his wife (Christina Applegate) and two sons on a “fun” road trip to “Walley World”, has nothing much to…
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Fantastic 4 [2015] ★½
Don’t let the success of other superhero movies tell you that Hollywood can’t fuck up. For that, get a load of “Fantastic 4”, a new example of how NOT to make a comic book movie unless you want to screw things up. Terrible CGIs, horrible acting, cheesy writing (was it written by a 10 year…
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Unfinished Business [2015] ★½
Vince Vaughn deserves better than this terrible comedy about a small business owner and his two stupid associates (Tom Wilkinson and Dave Franco) who travel to Europe to close the most important deal of their lives. Sounds like a setup for a wild, raunchy ride. But the air goes out of that balloon pretty damn quick. Ken Scott,…
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Aloha [2015] ★½
Good directors tend to screw up. If you admire Cameron Crowe and his movies (Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous) like I do, you’ll be rooting for him to score another bull’s eye with his latest effort. But it’s clear from the very first moment that “Aloha” is a complete misfire: a tiresome, dull romantic comedy/drama about a…
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Insidious: Chapter 3 [2015] ★½
I’m calling bullshit on “Insidious 3”. Ten minutes into this cash in “prequel” (because let’s face it: it has no reason to exist), I knew it would suck. But I had no idea it would suck this bad. Director Leigh Whannell, in for the gifted James Wan (if you haven’t seen “The Conjuring” yet get on it), takes…
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The Woman In Black 2: Angel Of Death [2015] ★½
The first one (released in 2012) was a solid haunted house movie and a perfect vehicle for its leading man, Daniel Radcliffe. The plot wasn’t all that original, but the movie itself was atmospheric and the scares were pretty effective. The new one, this time around set during WWII, bored the shit out of me.…
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The Loft [2015] ★½
Horrible erotic thriller made by people who’ve never seen a decent thriller before. If you’re still with me, and I don’t blame you if you’re not, you probably want to know more. So here’s the setup: Five married guys decide to secretly share a penthouse loft in the city where they can fulfill their deepest fantasies…
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Fifty Shades Of Grey [2015] ★½
It was fun, admit it, to watch Sharon Stone in 1992’s “Basic Instinct”, getting Michael Douglas and the audience cross-eyed just by uncrossing her legs on a day she forgot to wear underwear. This one scene is sexier than anything you’ll see in “Fifty Shades of Grey”, the movie version of the “worldwide phenomenon” that…
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Jupiter Ascending [2015] ★½
Don’t let Oscar season convince you that this isn’t a disappointing start of the year for movies. Have you seen “Mortdecai” and “Taken 3”? And wait till you get a load of “Jupiter Ascending”, the new mess by The Wachowski siblings. Smirky acting, clumsy writing and clueless direction. What happened you guys? The Wachowskis wanted to…
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