Here’s a fun fact: 2012 had so many fucking terrible movies. Therefore, today I bring you a list of what I believe to be the absolute worst of 2012. Please share this with as many people as possible so we can put an end to the misery.
12- Mirror Mirror
Here comes “Mirror Mirror”, a bright shiny film that flatters itself by pretending to be a fresh and funny update of the beloved “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs”. Well suck on it Hollywood. “Mirror Mirror” thoroughly debases the genius of the brothers Grimm book, adding characters, twisting plot points, and replacing the original story’s charm with Hollywood frenzy. Click for full review.
11- The Appariton
The movie was never screened for critics. Why? Because it’s pure garbage. Full review here.
Dumb dialogue aside, there’s honestly nothing else to discuss. If you’re familiar with the “Transformers” movies, you’ll know exactly what to expect from “Battleship”. But the question is: are you really willing to go through with it again? Didn’t think so. Click for full review.
9- Underworld: Awakening
I don’t know what “Underworld” purists would make of this, but if you thought the first two sequels were hilariously bad, you won’t be rewarded in this fourth installment. And in case you’ve never been a fan of the series, or vampires and werewolves in general, save your money or watch something else instead. Click here for full review.
8- The Devil Inside
“The Devil Inside” is a terrible production with any hint of originality sucked out of it. Have something pop out in the dark. Wait for a scream. Let’s hear the devil’s voice. Then drag out the next surprise for an eternity. Repeat cycle. Fall asleep. But hey, I fully expected “The Devil Inside” to be box office gold, mainly because the public fell for its attractive marketing campaign. But just like its campaign, the movie is a scam, from start to finish. Click for full review.
7- Paranormal Activity 4
Is this really the best scare flick Hollywood could come up for Halloween? Seriously? As for future followups, I offer this plea: please stop! Click for full review.
6- Chernobyl Diaries
“Chernobyl Diaries”, is a truly dreadful horror movie from the creator of the “Paranormal Activity” franchise (not again!). On the surface, you’d think this is yet another “found-footage” film, when in fact it’s not. But it has enough shaky camera scenes and lousy “boo” moments to make you beg for it to end. Click for full review.
5- One for the Money
From the amateur acting, writing and directing to an ending that is as predictable as Paris Hilton’s I.Q, “One For The Money” will make you puke for all the wrong reasons. It just lies there flapping like a dying fish. Click for full review.
4- Piranha 3DD
I resented the idea of another sequel, but I had no idea it would turn out to be this bad. ”Piranha 3DD” is worse than anything I’ve seen so far this year. It will make you puke for all the wrong reasons. And it sure as hell won’t be terror. Read the full review here.
3- Resident Evil: Retribution
The plot barely offers any surprises and fails to stay on rails. Devotees “may” enjoy it more than others, who, in the unlikely event they watch, will find it repetitious, unimaginative, and routine. Personally, I say enough already. Click for full review.
If the producers were hoping for some Hitchcock type of thrills, I’d say they came up empty-handed. This is pretty dreary stuff. But look at the number of people who rushed to see it on opening weekend. The only one screaming for mercy will be you. Click for full review.
1- Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
The Nic Cage epidemic continues with the totally unnecessary sequel to the equally awful “Ghost Rider”. Doesn’t sound promising at all. And as expected, it ends in disaster. The worst movie of the year, by far. Click for full review.