Here’s a list of things I ABSOLUTELY hated about “Cell”, one of the worst big screen adaptations of a Stephen King novel:

1- The story. Nothing against King (who wrote the screenplay), but what the hell was that? In telling his story about a man (John Cusack) who tries desperately to search for his missing son following a mysterious cellphone signal that transforms people into savage killers, King fails to give us a reason to care for any of these characters. This is a disaster movie in more ways than one; the sets are incredibly cheap-looking, the “special effects” are dreadful to look at and the dialogue is absolutely laughable.

2- The acting. Much like Nicolas Cage, John Cusack has proven during the past few years that he will star in just about anything for the sake of a quick buck. And “Cell” is no exception. Then there’s Samuel L. Jackson, who sleepwalks through the whole damn thing hoping we wouldn’t notice. Well we do notice Sam, especially when you’re in a Stephen King film.

3- The directing. I don’t know what director Tod Williams (who, once a upon a time made a good movie called “The Door in the Floor” starring Jeff Bridges) was hoping to extract from the surprise free screenplay, but the result is nothing short of a disaster. There’s even a theory that suggests that no director was ever present on set and the whole thing was completely  improvised. I’m kidding, of course, but I still didn’t see a sign of anyone in control. Yes, it’s that bad.

Now for the things I ABSOLUTELY loved about the movie:

• The end credits. I’m serious. We even gave it a standing ovation. Why? The nightmare was finally over.

Fiasco!