I watch bad movies so you can save your money. Case in point: “Piranha 3DD”, a truly awful sequel to the silly but entertaining “Piranha”. The first one had blood, full frontal nudity and Christopher Lloyd as a wacky scientist. Back then, I called it “the most enjoyable crap I’ve seen in a long time”. But what worked the first time around clearly didn’t in the sequel. Instead, it’s strictly a piece a junk, and The Weinstein Company clearly knows it (the movie was screened in less than 100 theaters in the States). The plot? There’s a water park run by a girl, Maddy, and her stepfather Chet. His brilliant idea (sarcasm of course) is to make it the nastiest, sexiest water park of all time. This will include naked women and David Hasselhoff as a lifeguard. Just think of it as a cross between Baywatch and some cheap porn movie. Meanwhile, the prehistoric piranha from the first film are back and working their way through the waterpipes into the park. Can you aim lower? “Piranha 3DD” is all noise, blood and lots of naked women. But we’ve seen it all before, and better. I can tell you straight away that the best thing about it is that it will all be over in no time. No wonder the cast gives up on acting. It’s not that writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan don’t put words in their mouths. The problem is, they do. “Double D’s get in for free!” says Chet at some point. I resented the idea of another sequel, but I had no idea it would turn out to be this bad. “Piranha 3DD” is worse than anything I’ve seen so far this year. It will make you puke for all the wrong reasons. And it sure as hell won’t be terror.

Fiasco!
.