Transformers: Dark Of The Moon [2011]

  Just because you’re a fan of those dumb robots, doesn’t mean that “Transformers 3″ is any good. I admit: the first movie caught me off guard, with its solid premise and clever use of CGI. But then came the dreadful part two, which still holds the record for being the worst sequel since “Jason X” (that’s “Friday the 13th Part 11″ in case you’re a horror  virgin). Even Michael Bay himself admitted that it sucked, but the bastard lied, because  here we are again, two years later and nothing has changed. “Dark Of The Moon” is even louder, sillier and  longer than its predecessor. It’s a big budget movie with a brain the  size of a nut. In a recent interview, Bay promised his fans that the third installment in the  series was a return to form. The bastard lied again, because now that I’ve witnessed this  “insult” to the senses, I’m not sure I agree. Back to the first film, which started out as fun,  Shia LaBeouf played a high school student who finds out that his car is actually an  Autobot sent to earth to kick some Decepticons butt. In the new film, it’s all deadly  serious, an apocalyptic tale involving big bad robots Vs. human conspirators Vs.  something. There are some few light moments, but they’re irrelevant. The only good  thing I can say about this crap is that it deepened my appreciation for James Cameron  and his use of 3D.

See Bay is laughing at us as we speak, all the way to the bank. The bastard doesn’t care whether he makes one decent movie, as long as his pockets are full. Well here’s what you get to see for your overpriced ticket. He even gives his hero a new girl. Megan Fox was fired for comparing Bay to Hitler (that’s the smartest thing she’ll ever say). The couple couldn’t be duller. British model Rosie Huntington Whiteley can’t act, while LaBeouf only gets excited in the presence of Bumblebee…his car. Get ready to puke, big time.

I know the year is still young, but “Dark Of The Moon” is so bad, it hurts. It lacks imagination, freshness, and a reason to exist. Ultimately, it is almost as bad as every other Michael Bay film. If this is what qualifies as entertainment these days, then I want no part of it.

Fiasco!