Transformers: Age Of Extinction [2014] ★½

transformers-age-of-extinction-poster-570x889It’s tempting to dismiss Michael Bay’s long, loud and preposterous third sequel with one word: crap. On every level, this movie is ridiculously stupid. But there is more to be said about a movie this huge ($210 million spent on robot junk) and this stupid. “Age of Extinction” may not be as horrible as “Dark of the Moon” (oh the horror), but it’s still pretty bad. And please, you don’t have to remind me that the original was a huge hit ($700 million worldwide) and the sequels did just as well. I know it’s popular. Then again so is junk food, and they both poison your insides and rot your brain. But I do accept that Bay is unique. No one can top him for telling a story with such striking incoherence. The original “Transformers” (feels like a long time ago now) wasn’t a great movie, but at least it started out as fun. The new film does have a few good moments, and it’s all because of Mark Wahlberg who brings his star power to the role of a scientist who lives in Texas with his 17-year-old daughter (Nicola Peltz). Does this mean there’s no Megan Fox or Rosie Huntington-Whiteley for Bay’s voyeuristic pleasure? No worries. Newcomer Nicola Peltz takes over with heels and short-shorts, even on the run from giant Transformers so Bay can enjoy the view from behind. I’m drifting. Where was I? Yeah, Mark Walhberg. One day he buys a rundown truck, only to realize that it is in fact…Optimus Prime! Surprise! But what of the evil Megatron? Do you think he’ll be back and try to destroy the world in battle scenes where you can’t tell who’s fighting who? Do you think Bay gives a shit? Not really. And soon enough, the plot devolves into a series of loud, lousy action scenes. Typical Michael Bay. But I’ve said enough. Go ahead, have your senses senselessly pounded for almost three hours. It’s your funeral. And, please, it’s not that I hate robot movies. I’m a huge fan of James Cameron’s “Terminator” and I enjoyed last year’s “Pacific Rim”. The real Decepticon here is Bay, who crushes the fun every time he releases a new movie. Watching “Age Of Extinction” makes you die a little inside. Is this the future of movies? God help us! Michael Bay, you’ve done it again.

Rating: 1.5/4

5 replies »

  1. OK so I read your review before going in to the movie; I thought: well, the first three were pretty cheesy but I kinda enjoyed them so I don’t mind some extra cheese. Boy I was wrong. Everything I so over the top you might think Bay made a satire of his own movies. If junk food could take a shit and the shit could also take a shit, it would still be better than this movie.

  2. A destruction fetishist’s wet dream, the film’s most egregious sin it simply it’s length. 2 hours and 45 minutes? Are you kidding? This is not some Braveheart-like epic. Without any character development or real drama to form the skeleton of a movie of this length, what you get is a highly labored final third act. Beyond this simple fact, Mark Whalberg is a decided upgrade over LeBoof. And they finally got themselves a young starlet of the moment who can act. (But why does Bay insist on giving his actresses that artificially tanned glow? She looks 100% better on Bates Motel – and if you haven’t started watching that series, get with it. Great stuff.) Tucci is excellent, as usual. And even the most skeptical critic can’t help but get caught up in the fun that is the Autobots when they get juvenile and rambunctious. The new John Goodman character – seemingly pulled straight out of the Big Lebowski – is a refreshing addition. Collapse

  3. As much fun as you can get watching robots hit each other but way too long for a film aimed at younger audiences. New direction for the Autobots makes a welcome change to the series and will be interesting to see if it can meet it potential with the inevitable sequel.

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