The Twenty-First Century

London Boulevard [2010]

“London Boulevard” is a movie that looks good on the outside, yet you still end up wondering why the hell did you watch it in the first place. Every single element of it is right (from the actors to the writer), so why does it end up being so boring and uninvolving? Let’s start with the plot: Colin Farell is Mitchell, a hard man who comes out of prison determined to reform. He gets a job as handyman for Charlotte (Keira Knightley who looks wooden and bored out of her mind), an unhappily married young movie star who is constantly pursued by paparazzis. Problem is, he’s still in touch with his worthless sister Briony, and his even more worthless friend Billy. One thing leads to another, and soon enough, Mitchell finds himself brought into contact with ruthless crime boss Gant (Ray Winstone). Will he become a proper gangster again, or will he end up with the sexy movie star instead? Who knows? Who cares?

I guess the problem isn’t the locations, or how true to life they are. London is well depicted, and Colin Farell really gives it his best. Yet it all sits there, lifeless, only a collection of vignettes and characters that seem only vaguely related to one another. The subplots and minor characters are more than pointless. Not to mention the dreadful ending, or how irrelevant it was compared to the rest of the film. I guess it tried to be profound, but ended up as a giant “Thank God it’s over” instead. What a letdown! Do yourself a favor and stay as far away as you can from this really terrible movie.

Rating: 1.5/4

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