Fantastic 4 [2015] ★½

Don’t let the success of other superhero movies tell you that Hollywood can’t fuck up. For that, get a load of “Fantastic 4”, a new example of how NOT to make a comic book movie unless you want to screw things up. Terrible CGIs, horrible acting, cheesy writing (was it written by a 10 year old?) and clueless direction. What the hell did I just watch? Miles Teller (so good in “Whiplash”) is miscast here as a science prodigy who is recruited by Dr. Franklin Storm to join his team. His latest invention is a teleporter that transports people into an alternate dimension. SO naturally, Teller and his team jump into the teleporter and they all become…wait for it… the Fantastic 4! But there’s nothing truly fantastic about the way this origin story is told. Listen, I wouldn’t mind a less than perfect superhero movie as long as it’s entertaining (see “Thor: The Dark World”). But not even director Josh Trank, who did wonders with “Chronicle” can get this cinematic disaster on its feet. Nothing sticks to the mind and heart. Nothing. And the thought of a sequel to this soulless studio product scares me plenty. The new “Fantastic 4” is not a superhero movie. It’s a B science-fiction flick disguised as a superhero movie. And it sucks. Big time.

Rating: 1.5/4