Abduction [2011]

“Abduction” is a dreadful movie that takes place in a world where everybody’s a douchebag. The main character, played by Taylor Lautner, is a douchebag. His “father” (a wasted Jason Isaacs) is a douchebag. His neighbor’s ex-boyfriend is a douchebag. Even worse, the always likable Alfred Molina is a douchebag. You see where I’m going. What’s odd though, for a film called “Abduction”, is that there’s not much abducting in it. No worries, I’m not spoiling anything here. Let’s just call it a warning. A warning that you should never ever consider watching this film. Think of it this way: who wants to see  a “Twilight” actor in a Bourne Identity-like thriller? Lautner plays Nathan, the usual high schooler with an appetite for alcohol and girls. You can tell he’s in high-school because he and his friends keep saying things like: This is hot!, and “We’re here to party!” Anyway, the lame plot begins when his parents are killed by unknown assassins (this remains a mystery right through the end) after he discovers he was a missing child as a youngster. Turns out, the couple who raised him weren’t his real parents. Nathan is really the son of a deadly spy who hid his offspring with another family after ticking off both the CIA and Russian operatives. Or something like that. While Nathan is pursued by both the good guys and the bad guys, he and his neighbor, Karen, go on the run (“North By Northwest” anyone?). There’s even a train scene that rips off every great mystery movie ever made. Make it stop!” were the words that ran over and over in my head. “Abduction”, high on any list of worst movies of the year, is a film that lacks  wonder, imagination, and any genuine reason for being. Watching it makes you die a little inside. Is this the future of movies? God help us! Taylor Lautner, you’ve done it again!

Rating: 1.5/4