Green Lantern [2011]

Somebody must have drugged me. I left “Green Lantern” feeling dazed and insulted, wondering how bad things happened to one of the most anticipated movies of the year. To quote Mr. Chow (from “The Hangover”), “I want answers, bitches”. Truth be told, I was expecting something huge. Afterall, the people involved in this mess are the same ones who’ve been promoting it for over a year now. Yet all I got in return was a major slap in the face. So who’s to blame for the fuck-up? I’d say the writers for one, who came up with the silliest, most stupid story in superhero history. I laugh everytime I think about how lame it is, so I won’t bore you with the details. Suffice to say that it’s definitely the weakest comic book superhero adaptation we’ve had in a while. There’s a lot of information to digest, which is part of the problem with the film. The world is so complex, that it requires a ton of explanation. So much in fact, that halfway through, characters still spend most of the time explaining things. Of course it wouldn’t be a problem if what they had to say was interesting, but it isn’t. The script is completely lacking in heart and emotions, that it’s hard to give a crap about any of its characters (including our hero).

Ryan Reynolds might want to shoulder some of the blame aswell. I actually like the guy, but let’s be honest here: the man doesn’t fit the superhero status at all (though his Deadpool performance was pretty good in “Wolverine”). Yet the biggest problem of all is that “Green Lantern” isn’t a movie at all. It’s just a blueprint for one. I kept waiting for the good parts to start kicking in, but alas nothing happened. To those who say that a rush to a big payday had nothing to do with getting this joy-free movie into the summer marketplace, I’m calling bullshit. It’s about time they learned that throwing a bunch of money at a soulless screen doesn’t necessarily make a good movie. Far from it actually.

Rating: 1.5/4